On Friday, a woman in Texas gave birth to a baby boy weighing in at 16 pounds, 1 ounce. When they did the sonogram, the doctor was like, “I’m not sure if it’s a boy or a girl, but it’s definitely an American.”
The U.S. is now in serious danger of defaulting on our foreign loans. Which explains why today, China showed up and broke the Statue of Liberty’s kneecaps.
Schools in Illinois are dropping writing portions from standardized tests. When asked why, a spokesman said, “We simple does not needs them.”
