10 Worst Pick-Up Lines Ever
By Carl Megill
Being a single guy isn't easy these days. In the long run, it's always the woman who makes the final decision as to whether or not anything is going to happen. Using the correct pick-up line to attract a woman's attention is very important. There are so many out there, it's hard to pick the right one. So, instead of a list of pick-up lines that work, here is a list of ten lines that definitely won't work and the responses that were received. How do I know? Let's just say, some fool went out there and tried them. Okay, it was for experimental purposes.
Of course, always avoid the obvious and overdone ones like "What's your sign?" Responses to this one could range from "Keep out" to "Toll road." You don't want to get shot down before you've even had a chance to show her what a total idiot you can be. So, avoid the following:
1. Your place or mine. Response: Yours. Wait for me. If I'm not there in an hour, start without me.
2. If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me? Response: If I told you that you were a moron, would you go away?
3. Congratulations. You have been voted "The Most Beautiful Girl In The World" and first prize is a night with me. Response: What's second prize? Two nights with you?
4. I only have three months to live. Response: Where can I send the flowers?
5. You know what I like about you? My arms. Response: You know what I like about you? Nothing.
6. I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Response: What would I have to know to get the rest of you taken away?
7. My lips are registered weapons. Response: Do me a favor. Try pointing them towards your head and blow your brains out.
8. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Response: Walk by again and this time, don't stop until you've crossed the state line.
9. Hi, can I buy you a car? (No response, but this one cost me three Kias.)
10. Pardon me, miss, but I seemed to have misplaced my phone number. Could I borrow yours? (Again, no response and I actually did get a phone number. When I called it, the next day, it was for Jenny Craig.)
So, there you go; ten pick-up lines to stay away from. If you have used some pick-up lines that didn't work, or if you've had some unusual ones used on you, I'd love to hear from you. After all, it's important that we share in these troubled times. Besides, I might be able to get another column out of this.
10. "It's so hot, the Statue of Liberty is holding a Jamba Juice"
9. "It's so hot, President Bush fanned himself with unread intelligence memos"
8. "It's so hot, Scott McClellan has written a scathing book crticizing the sun"
7. "It's so hot, Exxon is charging $4 a gallon for ice"
6. "It's so hot, Iron Man's suit left grill marks on his ass"
5. "It's so hot, instead of being stuck on the runway, JetBlue flights were stuck to the runway"
4. "It's so hot, Hillary Clinton announced she's running for president of Antarctica"
3. "No number 3 — writer passed out from heat exhaustion
2. "It's so hot, guys are climbing The New York Times building just for the breeze"
1. "It's so hot, those sluts from 'Sex and the City' are sleeping with Ben & Jerry"
* pull a $17,000 horse trailer with a $1,000 pick-up truck.
* Consider a golf course as a waste of good pasture land.
* Have someone do something nice for you and you pat them on the neck and say 'good boy'.