Pizza Hut has introduced a new pizza that contains multiple cheeseburgers stuffed within the crust. It's the first pizza that comes with your choice of soda or an intervention. - Conan O'Brien
We also have Dave Matthews performing tonight. He wasn't originally the musical guest, but we had a last-minute cancellation by the Tupac Hologram. - Jimmy Fallon
After I eat a gyro I always falafel. - Jim Gaffigan
Justin Timberlake announced he is unveiling his own line of home decor things. I haven't been this excited since Hooters announced they were lifting my lifetime ban. - Craig Ferguson
The best argument for government increasing education spending is the people who comment on YouTube. - Janie Haddad
Not to be outdone by Cory Booker, Chris Christie just ran into a bakery and saved a tray of Cinnamon Rolls from burning. - Frank Conniff
Last night Melissa Gilbert suffered a concussion on "Dancing With the Stars." It's the first time anyone connected with that show has actually seen stars.
In Maryland three teachers came forward to claim the Mega Millions lottery prize. They all said they would remain at their jobs. They want to keep teaching kids that if you work hard and study, it won't mean crap unless you win the lottery.
A woman recently gave birth to a healthy baby boy while she was onboard a Delta flight — marking the first time someone flying Delta actually arrived early. - Jimmy Fallon
There were three winning lotto tickets. I guess we're not sure who the three winners are yet. But when they do come forward, two things happen immediately. You get a call from the IRS asking for half. Then you get a call from your friends and relatives asking for the other half. - Jay Leno
On Saturday the Empire State Building went dark for an hour to draw attention to climate change. Of course, 10 endangered eagles then crashed into the building. - Jimmy Fallon