Researchers in Japan are working on a new drug that could treat gambling addiction. But I’ll bet you 2-to-1 it doesn’t work. - Jimmy Fallon
Dutch scientists say the world's first test-tube meat, a hamburger made from cow stem cells, will be available sometime this year. Test tube meat made from stem cells. I hope it tastes as good as it sounds.
China's vice president was in Los Angeles today. When he got off the plane, he apologized for his problem with the language. Apparently, his interpreter doesn't speak Spanish.
The Chinese vice president said the first place he wanted to go was Hollywood. He wanted to visit where all his favorite pirated DVD movies were made.
Judy, making an entire outfit from paperclips does not make you the "office Lady Gaga." And PLEASE add some Post-its to cover "down there."
We won't be ordering any more of the "Weekday Sadness" blend for the Keurig. We'll still stock "Goin' Nowhere" and "Not Cocoa."
Police recaptured Madonna's stalker. As a punishment, they're making him watch that movie she just wrote and directed. - Rita Rudner
Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger are teaming up for an action-adventure movie thriller. They think it will be the movie of the year. Yeah, the year is 1983.
I saw this picture online today. This is Arnold Schwarzenegger's personal photo. It's him and Sylvester Stallone in the hospital together. Hopefully he's in there getting a vasectomy.
The truth is, Arnold Schwarzenegger asked Sylvester Stallone to be there in case Maria showed up with a scalpel.
It was a busy day for Trump, because just this morning, his hair popped out of the ground and predicted six more weeks of winter. - Jimmy Fallon