Robert Lynd Quote
"No human being believes that any other human being has a right to be in bed when he himself is up." - Robert Lynd
Henny Youngman-Sleep Late
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. - Henny Youngman
Autobiography vs. Fiction
A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. - Oscar Wilde
Depend On The Rabbit's Foot?
Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit. - R.E. Shay
Rita Rudner Always Thinking Ahead!
"Whenever I date a guy, I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?" - Rita Rudner
Dave Barry-Violence and Smut
Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around. - Dave Barry
Pregnant Women: Talk Carefully To Them
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. - Dave Barry, "Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn"
Who Do Hosts Have Parties Anyway?
After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. - P.J. O'Rourke
Decorate Your Home
Decorate your home. It gives the illusion that your life is more interesting than it really is. - Charles M. Schulz
Accomplishing The Impossible
Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. - Doug Larson
Erma Bombeck-No Guarantees
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
Rodney Dangerfield-Uncle's Dying Wish
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap....He was in the electric chair. - Rodney Dangerfield
Henny Youngman-Wanted To Do Something Nice
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman
Rita Rudner-Jogging Not Healthy
I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups. ~Rita Rudner
Avoid Mistakes!
To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation. ~E.W. Howe
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