Another Olympic Sport That Won't Be Back

courtesty of Fengtastic

Katrina and FEMA

Yesterday was the three-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. It seems like just yesterday FEMA was heading down to New Orleans . . . actually, it was just yesterday. - Jay Leno

David Letterman Political Humor

* From the Olympics on to the Democratic Convention in Denver. The theme of this year’s convention is unity. Unfortunately they can’t agree on how it works . . .

Joe Biden is Barack Obama’s running mate. Nothing says change like a guy who’s been in the Senate for 35 years.

* The Democratic National Convention is in Denver, and security is tight. It’s very tight. It is tighter than Nancy Pelosi’s face.

According to Rumors.....

According to rumors, John McCain and Barack Obama are both trying to get Angelina Jolie’s endorsement. John Edwards is just trying to get her number. - Craig Ferguson

The Oppressive Chinese Authorities Go Green!

"Beijing skies are so polluted that Chinese authorities are planning emergency measures for the Olympics. For example, protesters will now only be run over with hybrid tanks." - Jay Leno

Ot Oh-The Unibomber!

The Unibomber, Ted Kaczynski, wrote a letter from jail saying he’s angry that his cabin is now on display in a museum. Well, they think that’s what the letter says . . . everyone’s afraid to open it. - Craig Ferguson

Yeah, Why Don't They?

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff. - Steven Wright

Rediculous Business Jargon

"We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings." - Scott Adams

Olympic Related Humor

"President Bush arrived in Beijing today. I don’t think he really gets the Olympics. When they asked him if he liked the decathlon, he said that he prefers regular coffee." - Jay Leno

Extra Funny "Late Show Top Ten"

Top Ten Signs Your Airline is Cutting Costs

10. During flight they hit you with additional $200 "landing charge"

9. It's day 4 of your honeymoon, and you're still on the tarmac

8. Plane has a "Hyundai" hood ornament

7. When you arrive, Hawaii looks suspiciously like Detroit

6. Inflatable vest replaced with smaller inflatable bow ties

5. Plane can't take off until you lose 20 pounds

4. In-flight entertainment: watching two fat guys fight for an armrest

3. Flight attendants wearing clothes you packed

2. The pilot — Andy Dick

1. During the captain's preflight checklist, you hear him say, "close enough"

From Camel to Camel

My grandfather rode a camel, my father rode a camel, I drive a Mercedes, my son drives a Land Rover, his son will drive a Land Rover, but his son will ride a camel." — attributed to Sheikh Rashid bin Saeed Al Maktoum, Emir of Dubai