Tax on Cosmetic Surgery?

"Members of the Senate are considering a tax on cosmetic surgery. When they brought it up, you should have seen the look that Nancy Pelosi's face tried to make."- Conan O'Brien

Potter Fans and Their Silent Cry for Help...

The new “Harry Potter” movie is a sensation— “Harry Potter” fans have started playing quidditch on college campuses across the country, but since their brooms don’t fly, they just pretend they do. It’s actually based on one of J.K. Rowling’s lesser-known works, “Harry Potter and the Silent Cry for Help.” - Conan O'Brien

Tribute to Belgium by Craig Ferguson

It’s Belgian Independence Day. They’ve given the world so much . . . the Belgian waffle . . . but it’s great.

Belgium is a nice place, though. It’s the place people go to when they’re on their way to another place, a place they’re going to spend more time at. It’s kind of the Jennifer Aniston of countries.

Belgium is the Mexico of the Netherlands.

In parts of Belgium they still speak Flemish. It’s a language based entirely on flem.

The Economy is Still Struggling...

The economy still struggling . . . the latest figures show that because of the bad economy, homelessness in the suburbs is increasing. So the next time you hear something rustling around in your trash, it could be one of the 'Real Housewives of New Jersey.' - Conan O'Brien

Homer Simpson-Role Model

Kids, you tried and failed miserably. The lesson is: never try. - Homer Simpson

A Child of Age One.....

A child of one can be taught not to do certain things such as touch a hot stove, turn on the gas, pull lamps off their tables by their cords, or wake mommy before noon

- Joan Rivers

Gas Fuel Funnies

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.” - George Carlin

"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?" - Anon