You Might Be a Redneck...

You might be a redneck if...
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
- Unknown

Mae West: She's No Model Lady

“I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.” - Mae West

Steven Wright-Visionary

“I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.” - Steven Wright

Travel and See Nothing!

Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel across the country from coast to coast without seeing anything. - Charles Kuralt, On the Road With Charles Kuralt

The Lawn

I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn. - C.E. Cowman

Erma Bombeck-Independence Day

You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism. - Erma Bombeck