The Birds and The Bee

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield

A Peripheral Visionary

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side. - Steven Wright

Letterman's Late Night Jokes

"The economy stinks. It's so bad, today as I was walking through Central Park, I saw a pigeon feeding an old lady.

Westminster Dog Show happening in New York right now. Today, Bernie Madoff swindled a poodle out of its rhinestone collar.

Obama says he still believes in bipartisanship and pledges to work with Republicans to reduce the size of Jessica Simpson."

NYC Murders Up!

The murder rate in New York City is up 5 percent. That means if you're visiting, and you're still alive, you may not be getting out enough. - David Letterman


I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical. - Arthur C. Clarke

98% Of All Adults...

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. - Lilly Tomlin