Republicans are having trouble luring Gov. Chris Christie into the presidential race. They should try pie. - David Letterman
Today Google celebrated its 13th anniversary. Not to be outdone, Bing celebrated its 13th user.
That’s right, Google turned 13 years old. Which explains why today when I searched for something, Google was just like, “I don’t know. Stop asking me questions! I’m going upstairs.”
A town in China just canceled a dog-eating festival that has been a tradition for 600 years. Or as cats put it, “Uh oh . . . ”
An amazing number of drivers seem totally unprepared for the possibility that the light will turn green.
When middle-aged guys suddenly develop blond hair, do they think everybody thinks, "Whoa! THAT looks natural!"?
I'm at Disney World. Apparently there is an invisible Butt Enlargifier Ray trained on this area.
Happy birthday to Whole Foods, which is 31 years old. Before Whole Foods, if you wanted to pay $60 for a roasted chicken, you had to go to a restaurant. - Jay Leno
Chaz Bono was spotted shirtless on the set of “Dancing With the Stars.” There were no survivors.
Twenty-two people were awarded the MacArthur Genius grant. Among the geniuses were a scientist, an educator, and a guy that got out of the stock market three years ago.
The military’s controversial “don’t ask, don’t tell“ policy was officially retired. This marks a new age of tolerance, acceptance, and awkward showering for everyone in the military.
I think this will have an effect on our enemies. Be warned, evildoers. First we will defeat you, then we will redecorate your entire country.
The U.S. Census Bureau reports that American homes are 650 square feet larger today than they were in 1980. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
A South Carolina man was arrested for sneaking a taser gun into a football game and using it on somebody. The man was arrested — and immediately signed by the Oakland Raiders.
The oil industry says that if they are allowed to drill more, they can create a million jobs. Of course, most of those jobs would be cleaning oil off of ducks. - Conan O'Brien
I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say,' Have you got anything I'd like?' Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, 'Extra medium.'
I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars".