It Might Work.......

Republicans are having trouble luring Gov. Chris Christie into the presidential race. They should try pie.  - David Letterman

Facebook Humor.....

BREAKING: Facebook to add "imaginary" and "in denial" to the choices for relationship status. - The Fake CNN

Jimmie Fallon Funnies.....

Today Google celebrated its 13th anniversary. Not to be outdone, Bing celebrated its 13th user.

That’s right, Google turned 13 years old. Which explains why today when I searched for something, Google was just like, “I don’t know. Stop asking me questions! I’m going upstairs.”

A town in China just canceled a dog-eating festival that has been a tradition for 600 years. Or as cats put it, “Uh oh . . . ”

Dave Barry Funnies.....

An amazing number of drivers seem totally unprepared for the possibility that the light will turn green.

When middle-aged guys suddenly develop blond hair, do they think everybody thinks, "Whoa! THAT looks natural!"?

I'm at Disney World. Apparently there is an invisible Butt Enlargifier Ray trained on this area.

Doritos Inventor Passes Away at 97

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack. - Jimmy Fallon

Trouble Getting Your Kid's Attention?

Lifestyle: If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable. - The Fake CNN

Microwaves Are Like Winter Coats.....

Microwaves are like winter coats. They warm quick, people never clean them and they look ugly after a year. - Jim Gaffigan

Happy Birthday to Whole Foods.....

Happy birthday to Whole Foods, which is 31 years old. Before Whole Foods, if you wanted to pay $60 for a roasted chicken, you had to go to a restaurant. - Jay Leno

Chaz Bono and a Stock Market Genius

Chaz Bono was spotted shirtless on the set of “Dancing With the Stars.” There were no survivors.

Twenty-two people were awarded the MacArthur Genius grant. Among the geniuses were a scientist, an educator, and a guy that got out of the stock market three years ago.

Jimmy Kimmel-Don't Ask Don't Tell and Now We Decorate!

The military’s controversial “don’t ask, don’t tell“ policy was officially retired. This marks a new age of tolerance, acceptance, and awkward showering for everyone in the military.

I think this will have an effect on our enemies. Be warned, evildoers. First we will defeat you, then we will redecorate your entire country.

Car Commercials.....

I don't understand car commercials. I'd much rather have a car that DOESN'T skid sideways dramatically. - Screenwriter David Coggeshall

Conan O'Brien Funnies

The U.S. Census Bureau reports that American homes are 650 square feet larger today than they were in 1980. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.

A South Carolina man was arrested for sneaking a taser gun into a football game and using it on somebody. The man was arrested — and immediately signed by the Oakland Raiders.

That's a Bad Smell.....

Wife and I haven't gotten around to getting life insurance yet, because each time one of us brings it up, the other smells murder-for-hire. - Screenwriter David Coggeshall

The Oil Industry Says.....

The oil industry says that if they are allowed to drill more, they can create a million jobs. Of course, most of those jobs would be cleaning oil off of ducks. -  Conan O'Brien

W.C. Fields

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. - W.C. Fields

Shopping Wth Steven Wright

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say,' Have you got anything I'd like?' Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, 'Extra medium.'

I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars".

To The Bread Line!

Obama continues to push spending on transportation so that people can get from their foreclosed house to the homeless shelter. - The Fake CNN on Twitter

The Scariest Thing.......

The scariest thing a doctor can tell you: "It's probably nothing." -  Dave Barry


That show "Toddlers and Tiaras" needs a spinoff, where they put all of the pageant-moms on a spaceship and fly it into the Sun. - Screenwriter David Coggeshall

Dora the Explorer.....

BREAKING: Dora the Explorer suffers heart attack after discovering GoogleMaps. - The Fake CNN News on Twitter