Conan Dissing Walmart Shoppers!
After 1?
Dave Barry on LinkedIn
I will vote for the first candidate who promises to use nuclear missiles against LinkedIn. - Dave Barry
Ot Oh!
Joan Rivers & Plastic Surgery
I believe plastic surgery is Daylight Savings Time for your face. Tune in tonight as I try to set the old clock back again.
Plastic Surgery-I’ve got a decision to make. Time for me to put on a
brave face. There are doctors who can do that for you now, right?
My face is like the L.A. 405 freeway! They’ve been working on it for years and it never seems to get done.
Betty White Turns 90!
"Betty, you're going to hear a lot of jokes tonight about your age. But
take comfort in the fact that come tomorrow, you won't remember any of
them." - Amy Poehler
"Like many of you, I first heard about Betty from the wonderful stories told to me by my grandmother." - Carol Burnett
"I've been the luckiest old broad on two feet to have all the jobs that I've had," White gushed. - Betty White
"Like many of you, I first heard about Betty from the wonderful stories told to me by my grandmother." - Carol Burnett
"I've been the luckiest old broad on two feet to have all the jobs that I've had," White gushed. - Betty White
Rat Hopping at Mickey D's
There's a New App...
There's a new app that lets you post a message on Facebook after you
die. Now you can finish off that message you were typing right before
you got into the head-on collision. - Jay Leno
Burger King Delivers
If you live in New York City, Burger King, home of the Whopper, now
delivers. Well, think about it. I mean, some nights you just don't have
the energy to get all dressed up and go out to dinner at Burger King - David Letterman
Never Use Profanities Except When Discussing...
No Earthquake in San Fran
After All These Years.....
There are now more obese people in the United States than there are
overweight people. I think it's safe to say that after all these years,
Diet Coke is a complete failure. - Jay Leno
Late Show Top Ten-Little Known Facts About Tim Tebow
Late Show Top Ten
10
Fell to Earth after his home planet Krypton exploded
9
Throws left, prays right
8
For breakfast has Icy Hot on toast
7
If you tell him your street address, he'll tell you the value of your home
6
Currently ninth on the Kim Kardashian athlete waiting List
5
Back in college, threw a football 20 yards!
4
One time, lost his temper and said "Darn it!"
3
Distracts defenders by flashing his beautiful, piercing blue eyes
2
Justin Bieber fans have "Bieber Fever"; Tim Tebow fans have "The Tebola Virus"
1
Can turn water into Gatorade
Is It Necessary?
More Office Humor......
You'll notice the new Page-A-Day calendars are slimmer than usual. To cut costs, we went with the Mayan version. - Twitter's Drink at Work
Debates Running Dry?
Not saying the moderators have run out of debate questions, but today on
Meet The Press Ron Paul was asked to name his favorite Kardashian. - Rita Rudner
Ice Cream Work Out
Fishing
Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day. But teach a man how to fish, and he'll be dead of mercury poisoning inside of three years. - Charles Haas
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. - Dave Barry
No Resolutions for Craig.....
If I make a resolution, I'm not going to do it. I don't like anyone
telling me what to do. Even if it's me telling me what to do. So I end
up breaking resolutions because I like to rebel against myself. - Craig Ferguson
Sinead O'Connor Divorcing...
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