That's Cold Rita!
Weekends by Ogden Nash
Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy.
You've had about seven hours of sleep since Friday.
No wonder you feel that lost sensation.
You're sunk from a riot of relaxation.
You've had about seven hours of sleep since Friday.
No wonder you feel that lost sensation.
You're sunk from a riot of relaxation.
Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.
Frozen Dream
I'll take the dream I had last night,
And put it in my freezer,
So someday long and far away,
When I'm an old grey greezer,
I'll take it out and thaw it out,
This lovely dream I've frozen,
And boil it up and sit me down
And dip my old cold toes in.
~Shel Silverstein, "Frozen Dream," A Light in the Attic
And put it in my freezer,
So someday long and far away,
When I'm an old grey greezer,
I'll take it out and thaw it out,
This lovely dream I've frozen,
And boil it up and sit me down
And dip my old cold toes in.
~Shel Silverstein, "Frozen Dream," A Light in the Attic
Thanksgiving Funnies!
"Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants. - Kevin James
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow. - Rita Rudner
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. - Erma Bombeck
Maybe 20 Cents
Good Luck!
Dear Big Corporations,
Since you own all the politicians, can you get them to do their job? - Thanx Jim Gaffigan
That's Tough!
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. - Rita Rudner
Ot Oh!
An O'Brien Thanksgiving ......
The House of Representatives has passed a bill that would allow people
to carry a concealed weapon from one state to another. In other words,
my trip back to Boston for Thanksgiving just got a lot more interesting. - Conan O'Brien
Metamucil 9 Times a Week?
More of Twitter's The Fake CNN News Funnies
Learning Channel TV stars from "19 Kids and Counting" The Duggar family of Arkansas are expecting their 20th child. Even the Octomom is telling them to give it a rest.
New findings by a team of astrophysicists have revealed the Universe DOES revolve around my ex.
Starbucks is raising prices for some drinks in several cities. An event otherwise known as “Wednesday”.
Conan O'Brien Funnies
Over the weekend in New York, two Occupy Wall Street protesters got
married at the protest. They are registered at Bed, Bath, and Seriously,
You Need to Take a Bath.
Starbucks announced plans to open a line of juice bars. They would have
done this years ago but it took them a while to figure out how to burn
orange juice.
Caveat Emptor-Free Office Food!
When People Find Out You Have 4 Little Kids.....
When people find out I have 4 little kids, they always treat me like I
have cancer. “Four kids! You are so brave. I’ll pray for you.” - Jim Gaffigan
How Quickly Things Change.....
The People Beat Bank of America?
Orson Welles
Funnies from Twitter's The Fake CNN
The New Kids on the Block are reuniting. Not to say they are getting old, but their tour is being sponsored by Rogaine.
Playboy Magazine is reportedly unhappy with Lindsay Lohan’s nude pictures and wants a reshoot. She fell for that line again?
The DEA says that people turned in 188 tons of prescription medicine
that was unwanted or expired. And that was just at Gary Busey’s house.
Rita Disses Kim Kardashian!
Next time Kim has to ask herself, "Is this the man I want to spend the rest of my month with?"
Kim Kardashian's family are standing behind her. Or as close to behind her as anyone can get.
Joan Rivers Knows That.......
I was shocked to hear the news about Steven Tyler in the shower. Not that he fell...that he was showering!
I think I know why Kim Kardashian's marriage lasted only 72 days. Apparently she only knows 71 positions.
More Leno Funnies.......
Road kill is now legal to eat in Illinois. It's part of their new “Meals Under Wheels” program.
The estate of Jack Kevorkian says they plan to auction off 17 paintings
by the famous suicide doctor. Ironically, they say the characters in the
painting really seem to come to life.
In Laguna Hills, California it took rescue workers 90
minutes to free a man from the inside of a hollow tree. Thus proving
that the obesity epidemic has even reached the Keebler elf community
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