Classic Funny Quotes: October 2010

Anita Renfroe's Hilarious "Don't Breathe"

This is a parody of Faith Hill's video "Breathe" taped by member of the audience during an Anita Renfroe Show:

Again-Joan, Joan, Joan.....

Very upset today. Just lost a "Dry Vagina" commercial, I suspect, to Mary Tyler Moore.

Plane delayed. Trying to get to Iowa. One question: Why? Isn't everyone trying to get out of Iowa?

Lots of talk on the View about Charlie Sheen. CBS has changed the name of the show to Two and a Half Men and a Child-Protection Officer.

The Scariest Thing You'll See.....

Critics say “Paranormal Activity 2” is the scariest thing you’ll see all year. Unless you get a text message from Brett Favre. - Craig Ferguson

Funny Talking Animals Video Series from BBC One #1

Funny Talking Animals Video #1 from BBC One:

Dave Barry Quotes

"There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary."

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."

"The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins."

Starting in January, couples can actually get married at McDonald’s in Hong Kong. I’m not saying those marriages won’t work, but when have you been to a McDonald’s and not regretted it one hour later? - Jimmy Fallon

Mark Twain Gems.....

* It is a solemn thought: dead, the noblest man's meat is inferior to pork.

* Be careful about reading health books-you might die of a misprint.

* Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

* Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

* When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

* I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Joan, Joan, Joan.....

Giving a lecture in Texas. Going across the border into Mexico so I can sneak into the US as Juanita Rios. All of the benefits and no taxes!

Thrilled the Chilean miners are out. As I suspected they sent the best looking ones up first. They're getting uglier as the day goes on.

Life’s VERY different since shooting my documentary. Cameras no longer follow me around. Now I know what it feels like to be Sharon Stone.

95,000 Jobs Lost

It’s being reported that the economy lost 95,000 jobs in September. And that’s just people leaving the White House. - Jay Leno

Bedbugs & Ikea

Funnies from Jimmy Fallon:

I bought one of those memory foam mattresses. It’s amazing. It actually molds to the shape of your bedbugs.

The Swedish prime minister was re-elected. He was happy to keep his seat, mostly because it took 85 hours to assemble from Ikea.

Anita Renfroe Salutes The Wrinkled Ladies!

Another Gem from Anita Renfroe-A salute to "All The Wrinkled Ladies."

Trump Running for President?

Donald Trump is running for president. He’s already got a short list of running mates. He’s thinking about Cyndi Lauper, Hulk Hogan, Melissa Rivers, Sharon Osbourne . . . He’s ready to go. - David Letterman

Jimmy Fallon Funnies...

Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer, is criticizing President Obama for not properly training his dog, Bo. Apparently, Bo still doesn't respond to simple commands such as "sit," "stay," and "fix the economy.”

The NFL fined Titans defensive coordinator Chuck Cecil $40,000 for flipping officials off on Sunday. When Cecil was asked to comment on the fine, he said, "Well, let's just say it's up to $80,000."