All Dave Barry!

* " A dog will eat pretty much anything, one major reason why there are no restaurants for dogs is that the customers would eat the menus."

* The main cause of Road Rage: the realization that many of your fellow motorists have the same brain structure as a cashew.

* Shopping Cart Rage: this is caused by people who routinely manage, by careful placement, to block the entire aisle with a single shopping cart.

* "I got a few letters supporting the new toilets, but these were mostly from ecology nuts who, because of their organic granola diets, probably don't even Need toilets, just wisk brooms."