Milton Friedman Quote
Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman
Wisdom From Homer Simpson!
"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try." - Homer Simpson
credit: http://www.thesimpsonsquotes.com/
credit: http://www.thesimpsonsquotes.com/
Edith Head Quote
I have yet to see one completely unspoiled star, except for the animals-like Lassie. - Edith Head
Wit From Saul Bellow
When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice. - Saul Bellow
Funny From Woody Allen
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? - Woody Allen
Albert Einstein Quote
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein
Dick Cavett Quote
If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you. - Dick Cavett
Jim Davis Wisdom
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis
Quote From Scott Adams
If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done. - Scott Adams
Jay Leno Line
CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts: regular, premium and unleaded. - Jay Leno
Funny From Robert Benchley
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
Bette Midler Quote
The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you. - Bette Midler
Give 'em Heck Harry Truman
I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell. - Harry Truman
Some Bette Davis Wit
I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars, would sign over half to me, and guarantee that he'd be dead within a year. - Bette Davis
Groucho Marx Quote
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - Groucho Marx
Jack Benny Funny
My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. - Jack Benny
Wit From George Bernard Shaw
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. - George Bernard Shaw
The Always Interesting Orson Welles
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
Ambrose Bierce Wit
"Admiration" noun: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. - Ambrose Bierce
A Funny From Lucille Ball
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. - Lucille Ball
Bill Cosby Funny
A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones who need the advice. - Bill Cosby
Benjamin Disraeli Quote
My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me. - Benjamin Disraeli
Wit From Dorothy Parker
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment. - Dorothy Parker
Rex Harrison Quote
Exhilaration is that feeling you get just after a great idea hits you, and just before you realize what's wrong with it. - Rex Harrison
Wisdom From Doris Day!
If it's true that men are such beasts, this must account for the fact that most women are animal lovers. - Doris Day
A W.C. Fields Funny
Once during Prohibition I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. - W.C. Fields
Robert Benchley Quote
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by then I was too famous. - Robert Benchley
The Inimitable Johnny Carson
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. - Johnny Carson
A Funny By Bob Hope
The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope
Amusing Quote From Prince Philip!
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip
Funny From Dave Barry
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. - Dave Barry
Quote By Will Rogers
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers
Quote From Mark Twain
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. - Mark Twain
Dave Barry Quote
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. - Dave Barry
Ogden Nash Quote
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. - Ogden Nash
Steven Wright Quote
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. - Steven Wright
Classic Funny Quotes Found Here!
Welcome to 'Classic Funny Quotes'! We all need a break from all the bad news and stressful conditions we live under. Researchers have just come out with a study showing that the human heart benefits from laughing! Apparently our blood vessels relax and widen when we laugh for at least 15 minutes a day (doesn't have to be 15 minutes consecutively!) just as long as all the chuckles add up to approx. 15 minutes.
* 1st Quote: "Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all." - Woody Allen
* 1st Quote: "Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all." - Woody Allen
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