Join The Nap Club
I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day. - Gene Perret
Self-Healing Plastic
Researches reported that they developed a "self-healing" plastic that repairs itself if cracked. The plastic will change the way airplanes are built and medicine is practiced. In a related story, Joan Rivers will never die. - Tina Fey
Women's Trouble
The trouble with women is that they get all excited about nothing...and then marry him! - Cher
Everything Going Well?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something. - Steven Wright
something. - Steven Wright
Happy Thanksgiving!
*** My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller
*** Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants. - Kevin James
*** Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants. - Kevin James
Seasonal Humor
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis
Top Ten Signs You've Eaten Too Much
Top Ten From David Letterman's Late Show:
10. Hundreds of volunteers have started to stack sandbags around you.
9. Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.
8. You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth's axis.
7. Right this minute you're laughing up pie on the carpet.
6. You decide to take a little nap and wake up in mid-July.
5. World's fattest man sends you a telegram, warning you to "back off!"
4. CBS tells you to lose weight or else.
3. Getting off your couch requires help from the fire department.
2. Every escalator you step on immediately grinds to a halt.
1. You're sweatin' gravy.
10. Hundreds of volunteers have started to stack sandbags around you.
9. Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.
8. You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth's axis.
7. Right this minute you're laughing up pie on the carpet.
6. You decide to take a little nap and wake up in mid-July.
5. World's fattest man sends you a telegram, warning you to "back off!"
4. CBS tells you to lose weight or else.
3. Getting off your couch requires help from the fire department.
2. Every escalator you step on immediately grinds to a halt.
1. You're sweatin' gravy.
Thanksgiving Dinners
"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence." - Erma Bombeck
Either Way It Takes a Big Man
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man. - Jack Handy
Tennessee Williams: Watch Out For The Witch and The...
“A witch and a bitch always dress up for each other, because otherwise the witch would upstage the bitch, or the bitch would upstage the witch, and the result would be havoc” - Tennessee Williams
The History of Glue
"I was reading a book...'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down." - Tim Vine
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