U.S. Govn't in Car Business?
Imagine the government in the car business. Every time you hit OnStar, you'd get Joe Biden. - Jay leno
Bernie Madoff
"Bernie Madoff is in prison for 150 years. The feds are after everything today they towed away his wife, Ruth.
Here's good news for Bernie Madoff only 149 years, 50 weeks to go." - David Letterman
The Economy is So Bad Even.....
"The economy is bad. So bad, even Tom Cruise is taking antidepressants" - David Letterman
Michelle Obama at Homeless Shelter
Over the weekend in D.C., first lady Michelle Obama was at a homeless shelter serving food to the homeless. Isn't that nice? Reaching out to the middle class . . - Jay Leno
Here's How Bad It Is......
Here's how bad the economy is: Now when you go to the airport and you have to put all your change in that pan to pass through the metal detectors? They’re not giving it back. - David Letterman
The Birds and The Bee
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield
A Peripheral Visionary
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side. - Steven Wright
Letterman's Late Night Jokes
"The economy stinks. It's so bad, today as I was walking through Central Park, I saw a pigeon feeding an old lady.
Westminster Dog Show happening in New York right now. Today, Bernie Madoff swindled a poodle out of its rhinestone collar.
Obama says he still believes in bipartisanship and pledges to work with Republicans to reduce the size of Jessica Simpson."
NYC Murders Up!
The murder rate in New York City is up 5 percent. That means if you're visiting, and you're still alive, you may not be getting out enough. - David Letterman
98% Of All Adults...
Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. - Lilly Tomlin
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