Voted World's Funniest Joke!?!
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
Beware Boston
"I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there." - Fred Allen
Steven Wright
"I cried because I had no shoes, 'till I met a man who had no feet. So I said, 'You got any shoes you're not using'?" - Steven Wright
Dave Barry: The Invention of Cooking
"Cooking was invented in prehistoric times, when a primitive tribe had a lucky accident. The tribe had killed an animal and was going to eat it raw, when a tribe member named Woog tripped and dropped it into the fire. At first the other tribe members were angry at Woog, but then, as the aroma of burning meat filled the air, they had an idea. So they ate Woog raw." - Dave Barry
What Did The Blonde Say About Blonde Jokes?
Q: What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
Jeff Foxworthy-Married For Looks But....
"Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.” - Jeff Foxworthy
Desi Arnaz-Latin Tempers
My Latin temper blows up pretty fast, but it goes down just as fast. Maybe that's why you seldom hear of ulcers in Latin America. - Desi Arnaz
Lauren Bacall: Find Her a Man
Find me a man who's interesting enough to have dinner with and I'll be happy. - Lauren Bacall
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