Soda or Intervention?

Pizza Hut has introduced a new pizza that contains multiple cheeseburgers stuffed within the crust. It's the first pizza that comes with your choice of soda or an intervention. - Conan O'Brien

Last Minute Cancellation by ...

We also have Dave Matthews performing tonight. He wasn't originally the musical guest, but we had a last-minute cancellation by the Tupac Hologram. - Jimmy Fallon

Today's Terrible Pun

After I eat a gyro I always falafel. - Jim Gaffigan

Russian Man Wrecks Car Dealership

This Russian man got tired of waiting for his repaired car to be brought out to him and decided revenge was the remedy for bad customer service:

Poor Joan

The IRS called me in because I deducted $400,000 for hair and makeup. They took one look at me in direct sunlight and approved it.  - Joan Rivers

Jim Gaffigan Wonders.......

What vitamin do you have to give kids to get them to flush the toilet? - Jim Gaffigan

Justin Timberlake Home Decor?

Justin Timberlake announced he is unveiling his own line of home decor things. I haven't been this excited since Hooters announced they were lifting my lifetime ban. - Craig Ferguson

Probably

I bet the producers of Dancing With The Stars are pretty upset that Charles Manson was denied parole. - Steven Amiri

OK.......

Watching these people in this commercial, rock climb, scuba dive & live life to the fullest, makes me wish I had genital herpes. - Danny Zuker

Just Anyone Can Comment on YouTube

The best argument for government increasing education spending is the people who comment on YouTube. - Janie Haddad

Not To Be Outdone.....

Not to be outdone by Cory Booker, Chris Christie just ran into a bakery and saved a tray of Cinnamon Rolls from burning. - Frank Conniff

Conan O'Brien Funnies.....

Last night Melissa Gilbert suffered a concussion on "Dancing With the Stars." It's the first time anyone connected with that show has actually seen stars.

In Maryland three teachers came forward to claim the Mega Millions lottery prize. They all said they would remain at their jobs. They want to keep teaching kids that if you work hard and study, it won't mean crap unless you win the lottery.

A Woman Recently Gave Birth To .....

A woman recently gave birth to a healthy baby boy while she was onboard a Delta flight — marking the first time someone flying Delta actually arrived early. - Jimmy Fallon

7 Days

I’m glad Kim Kardashian finally found someone she can spend the rest of her week with.  - Chase Mitchell

Don and Betty

Just finished "Hot In Cleveland" - I keep telling Betty White I'm happily married 46 years, but she keeps saying we can work something out!  - Don Rickles

Agree or Disagree?

There comes a time when an anvil needs to be dropped on something from a great height. That time has come for the Geico gecko. - Dave Barry

Either Way - You Get a Call...

There were three winning lotto tickets. I guess we're not sure who the three winners are yet. But when they do come forward, two things happen immediately. You get a call from the IRS asking for half. Then you get a call from your friends and relatives asking for the other half. - Jay Leno

Empire State Building Went Dark and Then .....

On Saturday the Empire State Building went dark for an hour to draw attention to climate change. Of course, 10 endangered eagles then crashed into the building. - Jimmy Fallon