If Dogs Could Talk....
If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one. - Andy Rooney
You Might Be a Redneck if...
"You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it." - Jeff Foxworthy
Albert Brooks on Bullfights
"Bullfights are hugely popular because you can sit comfortably with a hot dog and possibly watch a man die. It won't be me, but I can sit comfortably and watch it." - Albert Brooks
Poor Unfortunate Fashion Models
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. - Dave Barry
Newman's First Law
Newman's first law: It is useless to put on your brakes when you're upside down. - Paul Newman
Your Mother-in-Law
Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel. - Josh Billings
Birds and Bees and Woodpeckers
"My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one. " - Bob Hope
Rodney's Marriage
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. - Rodney Dangerfield
The Florida Law
"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law." - Jerry Seinfeld
Rita's Wisdom
Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?' - Rita Rudner
Money or Smarts?
"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth. " - Will Rogers
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)