A Good Marriage....
“A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” - Honore de Balzac
H.H. Munro Quote
“A woman who takes her husband about with her everywhere is like a cat that goes on playing with a mouse long after she's killed it” - H.H. Munro
Flowers For No Reason?
“When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.” - Molly McGee
Steven Wright Quote
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
Rodney D. -Wife Cheats
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me. - Rodney Dangerfield
The Best Car Safety Device
"The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it." - Dudley Moore
Classic Insult
Lady Nancy Astor, Viscountess: "If you were my husband, Winston, I should flavour your coffee with poison."Winston Churchill: "If I were your husband, madam, I should drink it."
How Do You Cause Happiness?
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. - Oscar Wilde
Only Irish Coffee...
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
Get a Dog and a Cat
In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. - Dereke Bruce
Heartburn Stew
I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning. - John Barrymore
Ogden Nash-The Bed Paradox
The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late. - Ogden Nash
Ripening
It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash. - Josh Billings
Marriages Don't Last
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? - Rita Rudner
Errol Flynn-Habits and Income
My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. - Errol Flynn
Yoga!
I tried yoga once but took off for the mall halfway through class, as I had a sudden craving for a soft pretzel and world peace. - Terri Guillemets
W.C. Fields-Expert of Electricity
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. - W.C. Fields
Fat Free Floor Wax?
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. - Dave Barry
Definition: Hospitality
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were. ~Author Unknown
She Buried Three Husbands
"My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. " - Rita Rudner
As You Get Older...
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two... " - Norman Wisdom
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)