Henny Youngman
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
Frank Zappa-The Building Block of The Universe
Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe. - Frank Zappa
Steven Wright Saw Signs
"I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies." So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars." - Steven Wright
Dave Barry-6 Fundamental Forces of the Universe
“Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers.” - Dave Barry
Want Fries With That?
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that? - Jay Leno
Murphy's Law
"The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet." - Murphy's law
Naomi Campbell-Question of The Ages
I don't always wear underwear. When I'm in the heat, especially, I can't wear it. Like, if I'm wearing a flower dress, why do I have to wear underwear? - Naomi Campbell
Great Moments in Science
Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money. - Gary Larson
No Stupid Questions?
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? - Scott Adams
Give a Man a Fish
"Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him for the entire weekend." - Zenna Schaffer
Hockey
By the age of 18, the average American has witnessed 200,000 acts of violence on television, most of them occurring during Game 1 of the NHL playoff series. - Steve Rushin
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