Converting Urine Into Drinking Water
The astronauts are busy installing a machine that converts urine into drinking water. Is the economy really that bad? - Craig Ferguson
GM Dumped Tiger
GM has announced that they are ending their endorsement deal with Tiger Woods. When asked why, a GM spokesman said, 'Tiger Woods is successful, competitive, popular . . . and that's just not us.' - Conan O'Brien
That's Generous of Bill
Bill Clinton went to Barack Obama and said that he would do anything to help Hillary become secretary of state, even remove his profile from eHarmony.com.
And
he would place all his interns in a blind trust. - David Letterman
Michael Jackson is in Trouble Again.....
Michael Jackson is in trouble again. He is supposed to testify in a lawsuit, but his lawyer says he’s too sick to travel. He can only travel in an emergency — like a Jonas Brothers concert. - Craig Ferguson
SPAM, SPAM, SPAM AND MORE SPAM
Some people are having a hard time, little money for food and other necessities. Here comes "SPAM" to the rescue! Spam is hot and selling like crazy.Spam workers have been working double shifts for months and America can't get enough of the much maligned and laughed at entree. Get your fill of news about Spam in the NY Times Article.
Woody Allen: Live to be 100
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. - Woody Allen
McCain is Back to His Full Time Job
McCain is back to his full-time job: yelling at people who park in front of his house. - David Letterman
Obama's Puppy Name Choices
The Obamas are getting a new puppy for the White House. They’re still trying to decide what to name it. They’re thinking Rex if it’s a boy, and Hillary if it’s a bitch. - Craig Ferguson
Slip 'N Slide?
Sports Illustrated says that Barack Obama is going to install a basketball court at the White House. In order to make room, workers at the White House will have to get rid of President Bush's Slip ’n Slide. - Conan O'Brien
Tallulah's Lament
"If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner." - Tallulah Bankhead
Men Are Like Fine Wine.....
Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner. - Janice Trudeau
Does Your Office Use These Strategies?
Commonly Used Strategies for Resolving Conflict:1. Always BLAME others
2. GENERALIZE whenever possible - use words like always and never.
3. DENY that any problem exists
4. PERSONALIZE the dispute
Sarah Palin Was Watching.....
People all over the world are celebrating Obama’s victory. Sarah Palin watched the Russians celebrating from her house. - Craig Ferguson
Obama-"Suckers!"
The city of Chicago was so excited about Obama’s win that hundreds of thousands of people turned out for his victory rally. There was an awkward moment when Obama put on a hat that said “Proud to be Muslim” and screamed, “Suckers!" - Conan O'Brien
Man Sues God-God Has Judge Throw Case Out
Here's a case of royal Chutzpah-Nebraska state senator Ernie Chambers has sued God!Apparently Mr. Chambers is seeking an injunction against God because he believes God is conducting a terrorist threats against him and his constituents (lucky bucks that they are).
"Additionally, he said God inspired fear and caused "widespread death, destruction and terrorisation of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants."
The judge dismissed the suit saying the plaintiff must have access to the defendant to serve the papers.
Senator Chambers has 30 days to appeal and refile his case against God. Let's stay tuned to see what the defendant's-pardon me, God's response will be.
Read the whole story at Yahoo News.
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