PC Problems

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NBC News Defended Their.....

This week, NBC News defended their coverage of Barack Obama. They’ve been accused of giving him more favorable treatment than John McCain. And today NBC New denied it. They said, “That’s ridiculous. We’ve never even heard of John McCain.” - Jay Leno

Batman TV Series Quotes

*** Robin: "Boy! That was our closest call ever! I have to admit that I was pretty scared!"
Batman: "I wasn't scared in the least."
Robin: "Not at all?"
Batman: "Haven't you noticed how we always escape the vicious ensnarements of our enemies?"
Robin: "Yeah, because we're smarter than they are!"
Batman: "I like to think it's because our hearts are pure."

*** Robin: "You can't get away from Batman that easy!"
Batman: "Easily."
Robin: "Easily."
Batman: "Good grammar is essential, Robin."
Robin: "Thank you."
Batman: "You're welcome."

*** Robin: "Batman, maybe I should stay home tonight. Homework, you know."
Batman: "I think you should acquire a taste for opera, Robin, as one does for poetry and olives."

A Clear Conscience?

"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory." - Steven Wright

Barack Obama

Barack Obama is planning a trip to visit Iraq and several other Middle East countries. Obama says he’s excited about the trip – mainly because he’s looking forward to meeting other people named Barack Obama. - Conan O'Brien

Jackson vs Obama

"Jesse Jackson also said he thought Barack Obama was talking down to black people by lecturing them on things like fatherhood and being a responsible husband. Jesse thought it was insulting not only to him, but to his former mistress and their love child." - Jay Leno

Do You Suffer From Lack of Imagination?

"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination." - Oscar Wilde

O.J.'s Birthday Results

Big birthday news today — O.J. Simpson turned 61-years-old and he had a party with all his friends. There were no survivors. - Conan O'Brien

Money Isn't Everything.......

"Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." - J. Paul Getty

Buy 'Em Somewhere Else

China has announced that they’re shutting down several of their largest factories for the rest of the summer — so that there will be less pollution for the Olympics. Chinese officials say: “Sorry, but for the next few months, you’re going to have to buy your lead-coated toys somewhere else.” - Conan O'Brien

Smart Move

The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill. - Peter Ustinov

Some People.....

"Some people want it to happen, some people make it happen and some people say 'what happened?'" - Michael Jordan

Mr. Always

"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always." - Rita Rudner

Letterman's Top Ten

Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear At The Beach

10. "You're going to have to put on a top — oh, sorry, sir"

9. "Forget about sharks, I thought I saw a tomato in the water"

8. "Due to the mortgage crisis, we're foreclosing your sand castle"

7. "We're out of mayo; use the Coppertone"

6. "Wow, that lifeguard can really put away the gin"

5. "The water? It's about 11 miles that way"

4. "I know you're not drowning, but would you like mouth-to-mouth anyway?"

3. "Giant squid! Run for your lives!"

2. "Are you here for the Al Qaeda summer picnic?"

1. "Now where did I bury Grandpa?"

The Old, The Middle Aged and The Young

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything. - Oscar Wilde