Dancing With The Cows-Groucho
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home. - Groucho
Early to Rise
Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead. - James Thurber
Robert Benchley-Machinery
The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success. - Robert Benchley
P.G. Wodehouse Quote
She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when." - P.G. Wodehouse
A Tasteful Way to be Famous
A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too. - P.J. O'Rourke
Henny Youngman-Baggage Request
"Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!" - Henny Youngman
Mr. Right
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. - Rita Rudner
Arkansas Residency Application
* Editor Pat: Don't get offended, these are just jokes and quotes intended for entertainment and not to insult anyone!
Arkansas Residency Application
Last Name: ________________ (last)
First Name: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray(_) Billy-Sue(_) Billy-Mae(_) Billy-Jack
Age: ____Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation: (_) Farmer(_) Mechanic(_) Hair Dresser(_) Un-employed
Spouse's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister(_) Brother(_) Aunt(_) Uncle(_) Cousin(_) Mother(_) Father(_) Son(_) Daughter(_) Pet
Number of children living in household: ___Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______
Father's Name: _______(If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (_) own or (_) rent your mobile home?
___ Total number of vehicles you own___ Number of vehicles that still crank___ Number of vehicles in front yard___ Number of vehicles in back yard___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where you keep them:____ truck____ bedroom____ bathroom____ kitchen____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: ______ 194_
Do you have a gun rack?(_) Yes (_) No; please explain:
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_) The National Enquirer(_) The Globe(_) TV Guide(_) Soap Opera Digest(_) Rifle and Shotgun
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO___ Number of times you've seen Elvis___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know
Arkansas Residency Application
Last Name: ________________ (last)
First Name: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray(_) Billy-Sue(_) Billy-Mae(_) Billy-Jack
Age: ____Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation: (_) Farmer(_) Mechanic(_) Hair Dresser(_) Un-employed
Spouse's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister(_) Brother(_) Aunt(_) Uncle(_) Cousin(_) Mother(_) Father(_) Son(_) Daughter(_) Pet
Number of children living in household: ___Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______
Father's Name: _______(If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (_) own or (_) rent your mobile home?
___ Total number of vehicles you own___ Number of vehicles that still crank___ Number of vehicles in front yard___ Number of vehicles in back yard___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where you keep them:____ truck____ bedroom____ bathroom____ kitchen____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: ______ 194_
Do you have a gun rack?(_) Yes (_) No; please explain:
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_) The National Enquirer(_) The Globe(_) TV Guide(_) Soap Opera Digest(_) Rifle and Shotgun
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO___ Number of times you've seen Elvis___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know
Rodney and Halloween
"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me." - Rodney Dangerfield
Barbra Streisand Quote
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? - Barbra Streisand
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