Wit From Art Buchwald
People are broad-minded. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there's something wrong with him. - Art Buchwald
Ambrose Bierce Quote
"Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth." - Ambrose Bierce
Funny By Steven Wright
"I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime." So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance." - Steven Wright
Kidnapped-Rodney Dangerfield
"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof" - Rodney Dangerfield
Tina Fey Quote
Researches reported that they developed a "self-healing" plastic that repairs itself if cracked. The plastic will change the way airplanes are built and medicine is practiced. In a related story, Joan Rivers will never die. - Tina Fey
Ellen DeGeneres Funny
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. - Ellen DeGeneres
Funny by Elayne Boosler
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. - Elayne Boosler
Peter De Vries Quote
A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter De Vries
Quote by Alice Roosevelt Longworth
I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth
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