Funny by Dave Barry
Admit it, sport-utility-vehicle owners! It's shaped a little differently, but it's a station wagon! And you do not drive it across rivers! You drive it across the Wal-Mart parking lot! - Dave Barry
Diets-Jackie Gleason
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason
Phyllis Diller Wit
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. - Phyllis Diller
Totie Fields Funny
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days. - Totie Fields
Country Music Slam From Bob Newhart
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down' - Bob Newhart
Television and Psychiatry-Alfred Hitchcock
Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it. - Alfred Hitchcock
Quote From Alice Roosevelt Longworth
If you haven't got anything good to say about anyone come and sit by me. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Steven King's Horror-Filled Funny
People think that I must be a very strange person. This is not correct. I have the heart of a small boy. It is in a glass jar on my desk. - Steven King
George Burns Quote
People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit. - George Burns
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