The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. - Joan Rivers
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in
Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't
find three wise men and a virgin. - Jay Leno
Who'd Have Ever Guessed?
Oh
look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the
meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer....
Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment,
and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? - Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes
Far, Really Far and .....
The DEA says drug smugglers in Mexico are using canons to shoot
marijuana over into the U.S. They have three distances — far, really
far, and Willie Nelson's house. - Craig Ferguson
Oldies But Goodies
* Q: What is the leading cause of dry skin?
A: Towels.
* Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes.
* Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
A: Towels.
* Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes.
* Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
Eggnog, Cakes, Pies, Fruitcake, Figgy Pudding.....
Two Laps Around Cinnabon!
Why Is That?
A Lady Never Tells Her Age?
The oldest woman in the world died yesterday. She was 116 but had been telling people she was 114 - Rita Rudner
Totally
John McAfee can hide out here if he promises to completely uninstall his Security Center and I mean totally. - Twitter's Pourmecoffee
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