A Woman Recently Gave Birth To .....

A woman recently gave birth to a healthy baby boy while she was onboard a Delta flight — marking the first time someone flying Delta actually arrived early. - Jimmy Fallon

7 Days

I’m glad Kim Kardashian finally found someone she can spend the rest of her week with.  - Chase Mitchell

Don and Betty

Just finished "Hot In Cleveland" - I keep telling Betty White I'm happily married 46 years, but she keeps saying we can work something out!  - Don Rickles

Agree or Disagree?

There comes a time when an anvil needs to be dropped on something from a great height. That time has come for the Geico gecko. - Dave Barry

Either Way - You Get a Call...

There were three winning lotto tickets. I guess we're not sure who the three winners are yet. But when they do come forward, two things happen immediately. You get a call from the IRS asking for half. Then you get a call from your friends and relatives asking for the other half. - Jay Leno

Empire State Building Went Dark and Then .....

On Saturday the Empire State Building went dark for an hour to draw attention to climate change. Of course, 10 endangered eagles then crashed into the building. - Jimmy Fallon

Sibling Rivalries

A new study found that 45 percent of adults still have sibling rivalries. Yeah, and guess what? I read that story, like, three days before my sister did. - Jimmy Fallon

Activia!

Accidentally had Activia this morning with breakfast. Now I poop like a woman. In secret and in under 6 seconds. Damn you Jamie Lee Curtis! - Twitter's TheDeskChicken

Leno: Red Bull Inventor- RIP

The man who created the Red Bull energy drink has died at the age of 89. Actually, he died five years ago. He was just so wired, nobody could tell.

Red Bull's creator is survived by a very jumpy wife and a bunch of really jittery kids.

What Were They Thinking?

Disney will lose $200 million on its new movie, "John Carter," about a Civil War soldier on Mars. Disney could tell they were going to lose lots of money when they realized they made a movie about a Civil War soldier on Mars. - Jimmy Fallon

Legoland!

On this day in 1999, California opened Lego Land theme park. It was supposed to open a few years earlier, but they couldn't find a piece. - Craig Ferguson

Meats to Avoid!

Today's health warning....red meat is bad for you. Also avoid blue meat and green meat. - Rita Rudner