People in L.A. Are Furious!
Gas prices — it is $6 a gallon here. People in L.A. are furious. You can't tell, of course, because of the Botox. - Craig Ferguson
Motivated Odor Control
My deodorant boasts "Motivated Odor Control". That's good, because if
there's one thing I won't tolerate in a deodorant, it's apathy. - David Coggeshall, Screenwriter
Office Humor from Twitter's Drink at Work
The IT department has blocked access to "Words With Co-Workers "until you people learn the proper names for genitalia.
Ok the rumor that someone in the office got an advance iPad 3 has
already led to 6 deaths. Please, from now on...monger responsibly.
March Madness is not covered by Blue Cross. Please stop bothering HR about it.
Dave Barry - The Kid is Not My Son
Nipple Slips at The Oscars?
Both Jennifer Lopez and I have experienced nipple slips at the Oscars.
The only difference is that mine was peeking out of an open-toe shoe. - Joan Rivers
Only If He's an Investor
Our baby now can clap which I believe qualifies him to be a member of an infomercial audience. - Jim Gaffigan
Gambling Addiction?
Chris Brown and Rihanna
Leno's Food Riffs.....
Dutch scientists say the world's first test-tube
meat, a hamburger made from cow stem cells, will be available sometime
this year. Test tube meat made from stem cells. I hope it tastes as good
as it sounds.
Jim Gaffigan's Food Riffs
Eating hummus is the closest I will ever come to a fasting.
Finally a bite size McNugget. Now I don't have to waste energy chewing.
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