Poor Rodney
A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home. - Rodney Dangerfield
McDonalds is On a Run
McDonalds is reporting that despite the bad economy, their domestic sales were up last month. Which just goes to show you a great thing about our country you're never too poor to get fat. - Conan O'Brien
Quotes on "Meetings"
Having served on various committees, I have drawn up a list of rules:
Never arrive on time; this stamps you as a beginner. Don't say anything until the meeting is half over; this stamps you as being wise. Be as vague as possible; this avoids irritating the others. When in doubt, suggest that a sub-committee be appointed. Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you popular; it's what everyone is waiting for.
- Harry Chapman
A meeting is a gathering where people speak up, say nothing, then all disagree
A meeting is indispensable when you don't want to accomplish anything.
- Harry Chapman
A meeting is a gathering where people speak up, say nothing, then all disagree
A meeting is indispensable when you don't want to accomplish anything.
Position Available: Surveyor-Must Be Fast on Your Feet
Position: Surveyor
Salary: $200 per hour (tax-free)
Qualification: Must be fast on your feet
Salary: $200 per hour (tax-free)
Qualification: Must be fast on your feet
Isn't it comforting to know that when you are about to become a bear's breakfast your buddy is standing there taking photos?
Britney Spears Jabs
“Britney Spears” were the most-searched words of the year on Yahoo!, followed by “World Wrestling Federation,” and in third place, “Barack Obama.” I think the lesson here is that Americans are not responsible enough to be using computers. - Jimmy Kimmel
Yahoo! also reported the top 10 searches by Britney Spears. No. 1 was “Where do babies keep coming from?” - Jimmy Kimmel
Converting Urine Into Drinking Water
The astronauts are busy installing a machine that converts urine into drinking water. Is the economy really that bad? - Craig Ferguson
GM Dumped Tiger
GM has announced that they are ending their endorsement deal with Tiger Woods. When asked why, a GM spokesman said, 'Tiger Woods is successful, competitive, popular . . . and that's just not us.' - Conan O'Brien
That's Generous of Bill
Bill Clinton went to Barack Obama and said that he would do anything to help Hillary become secretary of state, even remove his profile from eHarmony.com.
And
he would place all his interns in a blind trust. - David Letterman
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