Steven Wright-The Past

“Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.” - Steven Wright

W.C. Fields-Horse Sense

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. - W.C. Fields

Bores

Some people can stay longer in an hour than others can in a week. - William Dean Howells

Optimism Dead?

The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half-inch eraser - in case you thought optimism was dead. - Robert Brault

Beauty and Charm

There's a difference between beauty and charm. A beautiful woman is one I notice. A charming woman is one who notices me. - John Erskine

Willing People

The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. - Robert Frost

Work

Work is the curse of the drinking classes. - Oscar Wilde

The Laziest Man He Ever Met

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. - W.C. Fields

Gossip

"Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't." - Earl Wilson

Charles M. Schulz Quote

“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'” - Charles M. Schulz

All Is Not Lost

“If you can't answer a man's arguments, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.” - Elbert Hubbard

Fool Things

“Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.” - Oscar Wilde