Oscar Levant-A Fierce Desire
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome. - Oscar Levant
Flying With a Blonde
Flying With A Blonde
There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer.
A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though.
One of the blondes says, "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day"
There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer.
A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though.
One of the blondes says, "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day"
Give 100% At Work!
"I always give 100% at work:
13% Monday
22% Tuesday
26% Wednesday
35% Thursday
4% Friday"
- Author Unknown
13% Monday
22% Tuesday
26% Wednesday
35% Thursday
4% Friday"
- Author Unknown
The Family Parrot
"Live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip." - Mark Twain
Groucho-Footprints
"I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks."- Groucho
Italy vs. Switzerland
In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed - they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, 500 years of democracy and peace and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock. - Orson Welles
Aunt Marion Was Right
Aunt Marion was right... Never marry a musician, and never answer the door. - Charles M. Schulz
Robert Benchley-Drinking
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony. - Robert Benchley
Illusion and Carpets
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen
Visible Stomach Muscles-Dave Barry
What I want to know is: Why is it important to have visible stomach muscles? I grew up in an era (the Paleolithic) when people kept their stomach muscles discreetly out of sight. - Dave Barry
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