Angry With Her Psychics!
Singer Dionne Warwick has filed for bankruptcy, and revealed that she
owes $10 million in back taxes. She's angry with her accountants for the
financial mess and even angrier at her psychics for not giving her a
heads up. - Jimmy Fallon
The Price is Right....
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one should be that happy. - Jim Gaffigan
Pricey IQ Test for Dogs?
A company in North Carolina is selling a $60 IQ test that people can
give their dogs. If you spend 60 bucks on a dog IQ test, maybe YOU
should take that IQ test. - Jimmy Fallon
Carnival Cruise Celebrates
To celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, Carnival Cruise had all their toilets overflowing with green water. - Leno
Jay Leno Woke Up This Morning to ...
I woke up this morning to the sound of helicopters and police sirens —
which of course in L.A. can only mean one thing: Lindsay Lohan's back in
court again. - Jay Leno
Vatican Smoke FAQ
When the cardinals are done selecting a new Pope, smoke appears up the
chimney. White smoke means a new Pope. Black smoke means they have not
reached a decision. Blue smoke means the cardinals are making ribs. - David Letterman
Dining at IKEA?
Screen Writer David Coffeshall Wonders.....
Spent the past 20 minutes googling how to sharpen an ax blade, so I'm guessing I'm on some sort of serial killer watch-list now. - Screen Writer David Coggeshall
Too Much Information!
Took a Carnival Cruise. Some people were on the Fantasy. Others were on the Ecstasy. I was on the Hysterectomy. - Rita Rudner
Paid in Peanuts?
Hundreds of employees of Weight Watchers are complaining about the
company's low wages. The employees said, "They're paying us peanuts. By
the way, they're only six points per serving." - Conan O'Brien
Watch Where You Sit.....
When I attend the Oscars I'm on the edge of my seat. Not because I'm
nominated-I just don't want to catch anything from some starlet. - Joan Rivers
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